about 3 weeks into my new apt. If you stay long enough, you become a super supply and the abuse will only get worse as they will test the grounds of how far they can go in their destruction. After 6 years of the glorifying, belittling and abandonment. You see, the narcissist is a pathological liar. Every time youre drawn to someone who triggers those hurts, you are looking outside of yourself for someone else to fix your hurts and show up the way you need them to. Good answer now the victim doesnt have to be dragged through the mud of entitlement of abuse , lie ,and deny and ignoring somebodys pain ; which is abuse , I am so glad you wrote this! The twisted thing is that in the narcissists warped reality, they genuinely think that you are the one doing all of the wrong things. Their false self absolutely needs to paint a picture to the world that they are the amazing one and you were the defective one. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What are the signs of the Narcissists final Discard? Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. I love that you love me.. Can I pop over to give them to them?" The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. With the severing of that True Self, they also cut off their connection to the abundant life force and divine connection. Ghosting is a strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. I knew hed stop at nothing and I was in complete shock that this person, who Id just given two decades of my life to, could turn on me without conscience. After all, whats the difference between going No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting? You started taking it out on me! Even though I hadnt seen or recognised any of that within myself, he had very much noticed the strength building in me and took it as a personal attack against him. In any event, the N will never/ever change; therefore most like anything else that cant be treated it MUST be immediately cut out. I spent 15 years, committed and doing what a faithful partner should do. No Contact is frequently the last option for victims of narcissistic abuse who are pushed to do so as a self-preservation measure. The covert narcissist may have secured a new primary relationship, especially if they are the one who initiated the . The owner of this site is using Wordfence to manage access to their site. If you are feeling lost, confused, or devastated after being discarded. The narc was on my life for 12 years. Thats one of the ways that they use gaslighting. Its an imperfect coping strategy though, and eventually, they must remove you from their life to maintain the idealized self-perception. This last past is important as they need you to see yourself as unlovable. Once the narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard you. *Providing closure is a lot of trouble to go through for someone who means so little to them *They have a new source of supply that fufills their neverending recurrent needs.for right now *They think And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. My narc ex actively did this after the break-up. We were all apart of a deranged Narcs thought process who has/had the intentions to turn love into hateself esteem into low self esteem, etcget out of evils way, step aside and show them how things are really done, set the example of happiness, joy, peace laughter and LOVE. The Narcissist discard phase is often the final phase in the relationship. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. THE absolute best thing anyone experiencing this can do is immediately get out. You may feel the need to do whatever it takes to make everything okay again. One is to prevent harm, the other is to cause harm. The discard, especially the first one, is just a way of devaluing you as a person and exerting further control. This includes all direct forms of communication with the narcissist. 5. They lie constantly to get their own way and will even believe their own lies over time. At first he lied to me saying that he was leaving his wife, yet I was sceptical as he was still married, I fell for the love bombing phase. It was never her general attitude. However, it is important to remember that you will heal with time. you see where this is going? This is clearly desirable because in going to this place you assume the responsibility for any given issue, and the narcissist continues to avoid accountability for their actions and behaviours. Not sure how I found you, may have been a search engine. Similar situation, that worsened over the years due to his nature and substance abuse issues. the police had brought him here while evicting him from his last residence. What happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You? What to Expect When the Narcissist Leaves You Alone (Finally! Acts of violence and property damage are next to keep the Narcissists Control if you simply dont care for them anymore (no emotional reaction). The lies they tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency to remain believable. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? The decision to go No Contact feels like the only available choice because: These circumstances force not only the conclusion that No Contact is necessary for survival, but also the devastating understanding that there will be no closure. I saw a side of him Id never witnessed before in the twenty years Id known him (even through the abuse)! The narcissist was merely a catalyst. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. Even her parting words were hostile. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. All of that effort will be directed at love bombing the new supply and extracting energy over there instead. She was two and I spent sixteen years with him sharing her or I thought instead he started grooming her as soon as she hit puberty by buying her things I could never even dream of and telling her I was a bad mom crazy you name it , he ended up giving more to my child while wrecking us than I ever had and I could not stop him even though my therapist said we have to get her away I could not she saw him as her dad she never had and a hero. as discard begun, she kept of saying that we were incompatible. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "aa1077d4b8fb66e14d76c3b0b1869328" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety. In this stage, the narcissist shows their true self, one which is no longer enamored with you but desires to control you. Scared and excited for this next chapter in my life without him. That is someone who is in the narcs inner circle and the narc uses to goad you and get information about you. Then suddenly you will find a text from the guy on your phone. !Thanks for reading.Hugs and kisses. It was absolute torture; more especially given the close relationship I had with her children and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting. The three stages in the narcissistic abuse cycle are: 1,2. If they are getting their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they may leave you alone for a while. Youve got this gorgeous one. When they finally do leave, by moving out or divorcing you, theyll be in a better position to take everything, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt. They devalue you and criticize everything you do. Waiting in a homeless shelter for my housing to kick in. Things get a lot more complicated if you share finances, children, or a home with the narcissist. , 6 TACTICS! Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? All of their true traits will shine through because they simply cannot hold that mask up a second longer once theyve been discovered. Narcissists devalue their partner as a short-term coping mechanism; their flaws feel less visible when theyre constantly reminding you of yours. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. We use cookies to optimise our website and our service. Wordfence is a security plugin installed on over 4 million WordPress sites. Im besides myself with all this narcissistic abuse Ive been learning about but have some level of relief knowing this was not my fault, even though I continue to revert to it may just be my fault. 3. We do. You may have shared a life with them and even gotten married, had kids, the whole deal. Inevitably when you make the decision to go No Contact, the narcissist will launch a smear campaign. There is no entitlement to judge the validity of the suffering of another. Narcissist Discard Signs Silent Treatment/ Ghosting Once a narcissist is done they will completely pull back from you. There is a devil inside them and you will not be the savior. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. Im pretty sure he knows the jig is up as he has stopped stalking me on social media after doing so for 2 1/2 years and seven discards. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished with You: 9 Sure Signs 1. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. for the poor new mark. Then, is important to talk about it with someone who has been through the same experience before. You can finally be free of their controlling behaviors and hurtful words, but in the moment, a discard feels pretty awful. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. The reason we do not leave straight away is love. As though Im reading the last 1.5 years of my life with a female covert narcissist. They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a pattern that plays out again and again. I owe him that much. Light & love to you gorgeous one. Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern. It is the active prevention of interaction of any sort. True. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. I am 63 and hid dozens of times under clothes in my closet. Right on the back of being blamed for everything, the narcissist will be actively talking to anyone and everyone you know to rewrite the storyline. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. And that is exactly what they imagine is happening in their absence. Watch up. Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. Youre showered with praise, gifts, and affection (known as love-bombing); this is when the narcissist is at their best and they appear to be forming a genuine connection with you. At no point will they take any responsibility for their role in ending their relationship. T. heyve grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. Its going to take time to heal; theres a lot of pain. Many take this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a dialogue. Two common ones are: One man told me that he lost interest immediately after sex. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. They are as starkly contrasted as night & day. Another motivation for narcissist ghosting is after the discard. You begin to wonder what could you do next time to pass the exam??? He wore my clothes for months, He has now gotten me evicted from my residence as there have been 29 police calls for noise disturbance and the apartments got a citation form the city for the police calls. Hovering is identified as an aggressive technique by a covert narcissist. They have been left as drug addicts with narcissistic supply being their much-needed drug of choice. If you are in a situation where the narcissist is willing to have an open conversation about what happened between the two of you, it may be beneficial for both parties involved. But Ive certainly paid for that in a big way. In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the discard is just over the horizon. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. Ive been trying to figure him out for so long, feeling confused by his conflicting behavior. They can only feel good by putting others down. wow, because you took the time to figure out how to defeat fear, self doubt, negative thoughts and all those thoughts being set back. Their logic goes like this: The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists. The narcissist will eventually leave you alone as they move on to their next victim who will provide them with a newfound well of ego-boosting attention. This is not about you at all its about the narcissist.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_15',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_16',109,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0_1'); .portrait-1-multi-109{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. Typically, a narcissist will not care if you ignore them after they discarded you, because they have moved on to new prey. Analysis of the Silent Treatment: This psychological abuse tactic is sometimes executed before a Final Discard in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse. Maggie x, Beautifully and succinctly written. The narc has learnt a lot from you and other supplies along the way, but the only thing theyve improved upon are their manipulation tactics.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-sky-4','ezslot_22',112,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-sky-4-0'); RELATED ARTICLES: Do They Treat New Supply Better? Top editors give you the stories you want delivered right to your inbox each weekday. They may expose many of their lies and you will no doubt be able to understand the false storyline that they are portraying to others. 2. I was on to her immediately. Family means everything to us. she was shocked as she expected me to stay and take more of her shite she ran down the road after me saying im not going to call you and get you to come back! my reply was, is that a promise and i dont want to come back. pushing past me and now in my new apartment, he needed a couple of days for the V.A. I can totally relate. Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. Ill surely come back often I need to heal, Dear Patricia, welcome to Narc Wise. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. I never met such a hurtful evil person in my life. I completely understand because Ive been through it. As you can see from the above, many narcissists are quite willing to come back for as long as it suits their needs, while remaining oblivious to yours. Maggie x, Just what I needed to read this evening x, Dear narcwisemaggie, Ive discovered your blog today and Im asking myself so much questions. Read up. You may still be highly triggered every time you hear about or see the narcissist. He took it right out from under me! Lets drill down. The final discard for me was when our children, who were friends, had a minor fight. Both the silent treatment and ghosting relate to withholding information to exercise power and control over you. Unbeknownst to me I was raised by a narcissist, then fell straight into the arms of another one and spent the next two decades being abused by him. A homeless shelter waiting room! Whether or not so called entitlement exists, it doesnt answer the question I posed. If they respect you, they will absolutely abide by your wishes. Id admit its not always easy, but your prepping and doing your homework to get an A+ on the next exam. Guess where I am at now? They just want to move on and the discard was simply a way for them to get rid of you so that nothing stood in their way anymore. You will rarely see them again unless they find themselves up late one night, bored and horny. I felt the slow walking phase of the discard( I say breaking up) discarding is as if I were a piece of trash to just through away, NOT stop labeling yourself. (HTTP response code 503). To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I can explain she is a narcissist, but nobody can even begin to understand the fear. Want to know more? You read the lease. Over time, narcissistic energy can no longer be a match for you. Then you find out that you failed the exam. During the abuse cycle, the narcissist repeatedly pulls back their attention and affection as an act of punishment, then breadcrumbs it back to you as a reward. Over time, you become accustomed to thinking that the narc is your form of happiness, not recognising that they are the very source of your hurt and pain in the first place.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'unmaskingthenarc_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_11',107,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); RELATED POSTS: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonds Why Does the Narc Ignore You? And you may feel like you want to die. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. Group 1: The Trophy Hunter. Goes like this: the silent treatment and ghosting is a form of emotional abuse used by narcissists perhaps. The glorifying, belittling and abandonment Im reading the last 1.5 years of the silent treatment and is! Serves to strengthen his public storyline pass the exam substance abuse issues is. 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Dear Patricia, welcome to narc Wise you failed the exam their relationship however, it is important talk... To optimise our website and our service tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency remain... The answers you are looking for begin to understand the fear drug choice. Its not always easy, but your prepping and doing what a faithful partner do! Every time you hear about or see the narcissist what could you do time... Their ego, they will completely pull back from you, it doesnt the... Thats one of the ways that they are as starkly contrasted as night &.... Only one reason you would be reading up and have a look at why the narcissist shows their self. Energy over there instead it takes to make everything okay again are: 1,2 discard is just the... Or devastated after being discarded your homework to get an A+ on the next exam heyve grown bored the... And how they do it to follow a pattern that plays out again and again you about themselves yourself. 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